Lifting the Shame

The Christmas season, which through the sagacity (read: rampant greed) of corporate America starts earlier every year, can be a real trial for even the best of us. For some, the season is an unwelcome reminder of grief from the loss of loved ones or a rupture in family relationships. For others, the constant demand for joy and cheer becomes a burden too heavy to bear. For those of limited means, the advertisements featuring rosy-cheeked children jumping in excitement on Christmas morning as they open that one special present can feel like a rebuke. Even for those who are financially secure and relatively well-adjusted, the breathless dash from event to event—parties, pageants, and performances—becomes a grind that makes them long for the calendar to turn to December 26.

But for others the season can be particularly cruel. During a period in which we exalt “yon Virgin mother” and glory in the miraculous birth of her son, childless persons, especially women, may feel a stab of pain with every reminder of their condition. Some women, of course, don’t want children, and that is a perfectly legitimate choice. But some long to be mothers but are prevented by infertility, illness, or other circumstances from realizing that dream. For them this season of the year can be practically intolerable.

It’s surprising and disappointing that in 2022 a childless woman can still be made to feel ashamed for not being a mother, but it happens. Of course, it’s more subtle these days. The shaming may come in the guise of innocent but intrusive questions, clucks of sympathy, or simply the glorification of all things maternal around Mother’s Day or Christmas. But subtle or not, she still feels it, sometimes intensely.

The shaming was by no means subtle in the world of the ancient Hebrews. For them, childlessness (which was always the fault of the woman) was a sign of God’s disfavor, and in some cases it was considered a flat-out curse. When the primary value set on a woman’s worth is her ability to bear sons, a woman with only daughters must have had a hard time, but a woman with no children at all must have experienced every trip to the marketplace or well as torture. Imagine if conversations always stopped when you drew near. Imagine constantly seeing women talking to each other behind their hands while casting sidelong glances in your direction. Imagine having a husband who takes your childlessness as a personal affront and treats you accordingly.

That’s why it’s all the more remarkable what the prophet says in Isaiah 54:1: “Sing, O barren one who did not bear; / burst into song and shout, / you who have not been in labor!” A reversal is coming. The curse will be lifted, the shame removed. Glory, hallelujah!

Unfortunately, the prophet was still a man of his times, and the only sufficient change he could imagine was that these women would now be able to bear children. (Verse 1 continues: “For the children of the desolate woman will be more than the children of her that is married, says the Lord.”) But it’s a start. Perhaps we can take that next step and declare the childless woman blessed simply by virtue of her being a beloved daughter of God and a whole, worthy, no-apologies-necessary, beautiful human being.

Glory, hallelujah indeed.

Grace and peace,
bob