Grownups

For all his faults, Paul had at least this going for him: he was a grownup.  Sure, he had his moments of petulance, as we all do, but by and large I would assess him as one who possessed emotional and spiritual maturity. A grownup.

Nowhere is this clearer than in the first chapter of his letter to the Philippians. This is one of his “prison letters,” and Paul spends a few verses talking about his present state of imprisonment. Not to bewail his fate or complain of ill-treatment or wallow in self-pity, but as a reason for rejoicing. It takes a spiritually mature person to look beyond the bars of a cell and find cause to praise God, but Paul does so here. “I want you to know, beloved,” he tells his readers, “that what has happened to me has actually helped to spread the gospel” (v. 12). When his guards and fellow inmates learn that he is in chains “for Christ” (v. 13), it provides him with opportunities to proclaim the good news. And viewing Paul’s example has enabled the Christ-followers on the outside to “speak the word with greater boldness and without fear” (v. 14).

The apostle also demonstrates his maturity when he discusses the false motives with which some of his rivals preach the gospel. He notes that “some proclaim Christ from envy and rivalry” (v. 15) or “out of selfish ambition, not sincerely but intending to increase my suffering in my imprisonment” (v. 17). But instead of railing against them (as he has sometimes done in the past), this best version of Paul sees beyond the pettiness of these other preachers and rejoices because “Christ is proclaimed in every way, whether out of false motives or true” (v. 18).

I cannot honestly say that I have reached this level of spiritual and emotional maturity, and to that extent I can’t claim to be a grownup. I am more likely to lick my wounds or nurture grudges than to rejoice. If I feel I have been mistreated in some way, I can cling to my righteous indignation for an unconscionably long time. If somebody I consider undeserving gets an opportunity for which I am certain I’m more qualified, I am more likely to stew in self-pity or seethe with jealousy than I am to offer sincere good wishes. And God help the person who deliberately slights me! To quote Jesus far out of context (and to exaggerate a teensy bit), it would be better for that one never to have been born.

Bearing all this in mind, I resolve to pursue opportunities for spiritual development and an increase in emotional intelligence. To learn from my mistakes. To cultivate the fruit of the Spirit in my life, especially patience, generosity, kindness, and self-control. To listen more than I speak. And through prayer and other spiritual practices to open myself to the Sacred, seeking to follow the wind wherever it blows. I’m sure it won’t be easy, and I’m sure it will not happen quickly, but I have a prayer at the ready. I use it often when I perceive the distance between the person I am and the one I want to be. It goes, “I can change. The Spirit of God can change me.”

Change me, God. Make me a grownup.